Protect your goal

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Protect Your Goal.

"i want to start a business", the moment i came home in the evening after office i heard this from my (house) wife. The modulation of the voice and tone was good and firm. I said, "Wowww that's good. Which business you are going to do ?". I have also noticed the glow in my wife's face after my reaction. "See..my goal is to start a business and become very successful in that i have lots of business idea.." ( hmmm.. yesterday i was talking about Kiran mazumdhar that should have inspired her, i told to myself), she continued, "one of them is starting a small south Indian hotel". She also told, " you know i am now in a confusion, in fact i was waiting for you to come home and discuss about it". ( defintely i need a coffee.. i should ask in a right way and in a right moment.) I said, "That's Greaaattt idea, what is your confusion about ? where to start ??? ". she said, " No no no, i have decided the place.. but the confusion is about Veg hotel or Non Veg hotel.. ". ( Ooopps, God save me and my savings ). " Heey you are good in both right.. why not to have both huhh.. ? the discussion is very interesting i like it.. i am feeling energized you know..so let us have a coffee now.. if not snacks bring some biscuits..?? ( i am terribly hungry..). She brought me a nice coffee and good snacks mean while i was thinking about how to take this discussion forward and also do justice to my wife's wish.

I could notice that my wife was watching me curiously, while a deep thought process is going in my mind. She said, "Ok Ok first we will start with Veg only, don't think too much" (she was telling this and gave a proud look, as if she read my mind). I started slowly, “Ok that's fine, tell me honey why you want to start a business ?". (Now i am witnessing a radical change in facial reaction).

she: " why means.. i want to become successful business women..".
me: " hmm why you want to become successful business women ?? "
she: (with slight irritation) " come on it is obvious every one wants to become successful, now tell me, why cant i become successful business women ?"
me: " heey hey i am not telling that you can't become like that, but i trying to find out why do want to become so and you also should know why ?"
she: "It is always easy to ask question and criticize, why should i know why i want to become so ?
me: " Have you seen coconut, it has got many layers. The outer smoother layer exocarp, the next layer mesocarp is the fibrous husk which surrounds the next inner layer endocarp and endocarp surrounds the seed. Inside which you have sweet, white edible part of coconut."
she: " You think i don't know all these things "
me: " wait wait.. These outer layers are protecting the inner and most useful edible part. If you answer the "why" questions on your goal then you will get to the core which is real core meaning for the goal".
she: " Ok come on..i am ready. but i could guess you are practising something you have read from some book"
me: ( Ouch.. sometimes intelligent) " Ok , now take some time and try to answer why questions on your goal "
she: "Why take time, you can ask me ..now itself"
me: "TELL ME WHY YOU WANT DO THIS"
she: " i want to do this because i want to be successful business women "
me: " why you want to be successful business women ?"
she: " Assume my hotel business is successful, i will have lot of money and fame"
me: " why you want lot of money and fame ?
she: (Silent)
me: "Why you want to do hotel business ?"
she: "hmmmm i can cook tasty food.. , i know lots of variety foods. You know one of my idea is to conduct cookery show in TVs after i become famous"
me: " "then"
she: "i will have lot of money, i have independence to spent on whatever i like and especially i can talk unlimitedly over the phone with my family and friends. i need not have to check everyday the balance and restrict my talking time with them."
me: "So if i am correct the core of the idea of starting a business is to have unlimited talking hours with your family and friends."
she: *remained silent, that means accepting it.)

The main reason i want you to answer the why part of your goal is.

1. As the layers protecting the core coconut, the reasons will protect your goal against external & internal de motivations.

2. If you know why want to go and achieve the goal, you will not be confused to make choices in the turbulent times.

3. For example, take your goal if i tried to find out the reason by asking repeated why questions. we could see that you want to have unlimited talking hours with your family and friends and basically not restricted by my budget (though it is high). To start and become successful in any business you need to dedicate your time and energy towards it. I don't know how we are going to take care our kid if you start something like this. That is different issue. Assume that you are dedicated, giving all your energy and time for it, it takes at least few years to stabilize in a business and to become successful and earn lot of money ( which is your ultimate goal) it will take some more time.

She: so ?
me: you will not be able to spend time with your friends and family over the phone as your spending now, at least for minimum few years. Because you will be busy making the business success, right?? Is it ok?? Since you don’t know why you want to achieve this goal, the path to goal itself is not letting you achieve this goal.
she: hmm it will take years is it ??
me" " yes, it is definitely, you can cook tasty but have you cooked in scale ?? i can tolerate even if it is not so tasty but will your customers do ? Who are paying money ?
she: Yeah they will not.. but
me: how much money you need as a investment ?
she: may be 10 lakh initially...
me: "how much more time will you spend on phone if you achieve the goal ?"
she: "may be half an hour to one hour a day"
me: " that means 15 or 30 rs per day extra"
she: but monthly it will add thousand to your budget of 2000
me: how many thousands in 10 lakh.. 1000s OK

so finally the goal should be worth talking it.
She: good, if you wouldn't have asked "why questions", then i haven't yet prepared to take any such goals. (her face is not glowing now.. )
me: good .. Let’s have dinner outside come.


Many of us had or having many goals. Some of the goals we have dropped at some point in time to compromise something, some of them we left after realizing it is not worth taking it, and so on. But if we had clarity of vision and why we want to achieve the goals.. We definitely would have protected goals worth protecting it.

Anger 02

Hi All, Welcome to MoneyWell's blog,

Anger is one of an emotional state humans could experience. Everyone’s response or reaction to the anger is different. But one thing remains same in all of us, is the biological response which is happening inside our body. Anger triggers a series of bio-chemical reactions inside human body. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenalin. As a stress hormone, noradrenalin affects parts of the brain where attention and responding actions are controlled. There are lot more technical happenings inside our body when we get angry. Let us start this post with a quote as usual.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” - Buddha.

In our day to day life, there are many times we get angry. I am trying to list some of that.

1. Waiting in a bus stop/ railway station / air port for quite long time. The bus / train / flight which have to arrive on time haven’t.
2. Traffic Jam
3. While driving we come across somebody violating traffic rules.
4. The attendance is very low for the presentation you organize.
5. The person, who you are talking to, is not listening to you.
6. Your spouse does not understand your point of view.
7. Your new washing machine is not working.

And there are so many reasons we can grow the list. While we read this, it might look very simple reasons. But the amount and intensity of anger we show for these simple reasons are not in proportion. Here I am forced to mention (again) a quote by Aristotle.

“Anyone can become angry – that’s easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way- this is not easy”. - Aristotle, the Nicomachean Ethics

Going by this, it invalidates all the simple reasons I listed above for getting angry. I feel the main reason why we get angry is “anyone can easily become angry” nothing else.

One real story.

I have seen very small kids are also getting angry. Once I have seen a kid (about 2 years old) was demanding his father to buy him a balloon. His father refused to buy that. After a while the kid started screaming aloud the demand. Still his father is not buying that. The kid got angry and started to hit his father and roll on the platform in the road. The kid got so much angry he couldn’t scream now and he is gasping. Already some people started to watch this now. Now his father became very angry by the kid’s act. It made him feel shame in front of others. Now he started to shout at his kid and hit severely in public.

I realized where the kid has learnt to become angry. We have lot of such real stories with us. It might have happened to us or we would have witnessed or heard. Take any one of the stories, preferably yours, and analyze the situation by answering to the following questions

1. How did I express my anger? Did I express it in a right way?
2. Whom did I express my anger to? Is he/she/it is the right person?
3. Did I express my anger to the right degree? Or did the intensity of anger I express is proportionate with the reason?
4. Did I express my anger at the right time?

I can challenge most of you for the answers. None of us would have got “yes” for all the questions. This means we have not learnt how to get and express anger appropriately.

I have a question for all of us,

Does any one of us use a big AXE to cut vegetables for cooking?

No right! Why because, It is not the right tool to be used. We have a vegetable cutter or appropriate knife for doing that job. We have different kind of tools for cutting vegetables, chopping meat, and so on.

Similarly anger is also a tool which helped, prevented and saved humans when their life is pretended often by animals and other human beings. Anger is such a powerful tool when it is used inappropriately, could cause lots of damage to the host.

Please remember to ask this four questions when you are about to get angry and never praise disproportionate and inappropriate anger.


Take care,

I feel therefore I am

MoneyWell

Story - Mind your Powerful Mind

Hi All,

Welcome to MoneyWell's blog, This time i have a story which my uncle told me in my childhood.

Once upon a time there lived a rogue - kalinga. He made his living by getting whatever he wants from the natives of that village. Whoever refuses to give whatever he asks, he goes to greater extent to destroy their family. He is very strong and well built. No one had courage to fight with him after witnessing his easy win over the opponents. People are scared of him and prayed for his demise. Day by day he becomes more vicious.

Raman, a Wiseman happened to come to that village to meet his relatives over there. He learnt the situation and about kalinga the rogue. Raman started collecting details on kalinga. He came to know that kalinga is an illiterate, has poor focus retention and emotional idiotism. Once kalinga went out of the village to visit her sister’s place, which is an hour travel by walk from this village. Raman used this time to gather the villagers. He explained a plan to liberate them from kalinga. After an initial hesitation people half-heartedly agreed to the plan.

Raman carefully picked some people to execute his plan. Everyone in that village is well informed about the plan. They are clear about how to act in a specific situation. The day when kalinga was returning from his sister’s place the wise play started to roll out.

There were set of people in random distance stood in between the path of kalinga’s travel. When kalinga happened to cross the first person from his village traveling opposite side, kalinga called the person by name loudly. That person from the other side came near kalinga running. He wished kalinga and expressed his surprisal. He asked kalinga, “Kalinga gi (respectful), are you not feeling well? You are looking tired. You are not looking normal”. Kalinga refused it quickly and said he is not feeling so. After crossing that person, he became little doubtful on his look. After some time one more person crossed, he wished kalinga and then came near and told that, “Kalinga gi you are looking really sick, do you need any help for the travel”. Kalinga refused and continued travel. Already he started feeling sick by now.

After a while similar instances started happening throughout the way, without fail everyone was making him more intensively sick. They were playing their roles carefully such that he couldn’t even get doubts on them. When he reached his village he was almost not having energy to walk. He fell down. There were set of people came near him and shouting to each other to call their village doctor. The village doctor came and diagnosed that with in few minutes kalinga is going to die. More people started gathering there and they were crying so loudly. Kalinga was not able to get back his energy to get up. He also started to believe that he is going to die. That made him sicker. After some time the doctor said kalinga is no more and he died. The cry became more louder and the custom musical instrumentals were played confirming the death.

Later in the evening the villagers went on death March carrying kalinga. According to the plan, one fellow came near kalinga and told “You idiot, you screwed up most of your peaceful life. You will never go to heaven” and some provoking words. Suddenly kalinga got up and said, “Heyyy you, If I were alive, I would have killed you.” Then he fell down. Finally the villagers cremated him. The villagers happily celebrated their libration from kalinga and thanked Raman.

This was one of the story still reminds in my mind from child hood. This story always affirms me with the power of human mind.

Tolerance-02- Greatest Gift of the mind

Hi All, Welcome to MoneyWell's blog,

As a continuation of thought process on tolerance, here comes the next post on it.

How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these - George Washington Carver

It is very true in real scenario. We are either intolerant with strong or weak or both. How it is expressed? Some times the intolerance is expressed as an angry wawl or bang on the table or mostly in an unproductive form.

Why it is so, where it is rooted from?

This is about one of my friend. With his permission I am sharing this story.

He is very special from his childhood because of the fact that he is the only child of his parents many years after their marriage. He also enjoyed being in limelight even in neighborhood. He is having a habit of eating in a special plate (made in silver) which has three partitions. He will eat the food, if all three portions of it is filled with dishes he likes. He will never touch the plate even if one portion of the plate has a dish he did not like. Most of the dishes he didn’t like, so whenever they are cooking they will make a separate effort to cook for him. If sometime they couldn’t make it, he will never touch the plate filled with the dish he didn’t like.

Now he has grown up and working in an reputed company after hopping many companies. When I met him sometime back he shared the problem he is having in office. He don’t like People

• Who are having different opinion than him
• Who argues with him and win
• Who orders/guides him to do his work
• Who make fun on him

And the list grows, its not only that he didn’t like them. If anyone of them are near by he couldn’t be normal. He is getting restless and tensed. He also shouts at people on whom he thinks he could do so. When it comes to superiors he couldn’t do anything. He hates to go to office. He couldn’t concentrate on anything else. He forgets to pay his house rent for more than 2 months, so he got a notice from his house owner. He couldn’t stay in any company for more than 7 to 9 months, because of his habit of intolerance.

Basically he wasn’t having tolerance. Which I feel is rooted from the habits fostered by his parents. When I told him my findings and roots of his habit, he was astonished. So if we are not careful in responding to our kids it could lead to some greater disasters in later age of the kid like this.

So how my friend has developed tolerance now, that is what we are going to see now

We cannot learn real patience and tolerance from a guru or a friend. They can be practiced only when we come in contact with someone who creates unpleasant experiences. According to Shantideva, enemies are really good for us as we can learn a lot from them and build our inner strength – Dalai Lama

So I asked my friend to always be near the colleague by whom he gets irritated most. Asked him to maintain a notebook to write what are all he felt when he was near that colleague . He was very sincerely following this habit, because he realized that he needs to come out of this for a normal survival. Now he has improved a lot to level in which he could laugh at his initial notes on the irritating colleagues.

He is very happy now. I would like to end this post with a quote.

Toleration is the greatest gift of the mind; it requires the same effort of the brain that it takes to balance oneself on a bicycle - Helen Keller.

Take care,

I feel therefore I am

MoneyWell

Intuitions

Midnight around half past 12 i got call and got informed that one of my uncle passed away. In the sound of fancy ring tone my wife already woken up. Normally heavy thunder bolts fail to wake her up in the night. After some time i was indecisively oscillating between whether to start now or next morning. Finally decided to take a taxi in the morning and travel with my wife and 2 year old kid to madurai for attending the funeral.

Morning i woke up early, informed colleagues and packing up things for a short travel. I had to wait for an hour for taxi.. Meanwhile my mother and my wife were discussing about what to fill in the luggage space of car when returning from tamilnadu and calculating how much they will save in next grocery purchase. My wife was also indicating me through the kid like this, " Kidooo.. don't worry this time we will visit your granny's place." that is, we have to go to my in-law's place while coming back, its on the way. I was doing a calculation of money that i have to shell out.

I was searching for a nice book to read while traveling, which i always do whenever i am traveling. This time i got hold of a book which i wanted to read for more than a year. The book is "Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. I started to read the book in time i waited for taxi to come. It was talking about intuition and inner voice and things like that.

When taxi came, i some how felt i should travel alone not with family. Then i strongly said my wife to stay back. She accepted to do so after some small fight. Then i started in the white indica. I felt sleepy when the taxi started moving.. Saw the back seat.. Completely empty and inviting me to sleep over it, but i remembered about the book and started reading it.

Without a stop car was moving forward so as my reading grows in to the book. Whenever i take eye from the book, it goes to the rear view mirror near the driver. There was no mirror in the holder. I could sense and feel something about it whenever i looked at it. It was around 4 to 5 times i looked. After traveling around 100 kilometers we are now between krishnagiri and dharmapuri. I have finished around 60 pages. In-between the driver was talking about his adventures over last trips. I didn't want to stop him. that slowed down my reading. I feel like wearing a seat belt and also felt like asking about the rear view mirror. I have joined driving class a day earlier to my travel, in that the first lesson taught was to adjust rear view mirror when you get in to the car. The driving teacher told me it is very important one. So this time i wanted ask about it and also feel like wearing seat belt.

i don't know why, but the book talks about intuition, inner voice and omens. We were traveling in 120Km/hour speed because the road was amazingly good. when we were around 167 km we were traveling through a hilly region, where i could see some monkeys and all crossing the road. Lot of curves in the path because of hill, in one of the curve we had to go slow because of the continuous humps. We were going very slowly on that. The next moment Suddenly i was pushed forward and i am seeing driver is getting banked his face on the steering and meanwhile a big sound from back.

The tanker hit our car from behind, the poor indica's back seat is completely crushed near and shrunk. I was very fortunate to have no injury or scratch even. But the driver's face is bleeding. We had to run and catch the lorry and found that the lorry fellow is trying to stop but couldn’t. Finally with help of some rocks we could. With in 2 min of call L&T officials who were in-charge of that part came and did first-aid for the driver. Then we called police, resolved and so on.

I don't want to imagine what would have happened if i would have traveled with my wife and my kid. We would have definitely sat in the back seat only. The book was suggesting giving respect and attention to the intuitions. I developed lot of respect for the concept conveyed in the book.

i completed the book on the same day while coming back without attending the funeral. I recommended to all of my friends.

Tolerance 01- Highest Result of Eduction

Hi All,

After a long pause, i started writting again, Like other posts, i would like to start with a quote.

I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers - Kahlil Gibran

I came across many people with different levels of intolerance. Before going in to detail, let us define Tolerance. Let me try my own.

Remain unaffected/unswayed by not undergoing any unproductive feelings, doings & thinkings caused majorly by external triggers.

Now lets connect with some example to understand it better.

One 4 and half members family is engaged in watching a movie. The Half member - A charming Kid is around 2 years old. Kids are naturally more energetic than their elders. The movie was not very appealing to the kid, but the 4 elders parents and grandparents of the kid were completely inside the 21" TV screen.

The kid was experssing his unhappiness by yelling out "mammmaaaaaa.. change it.. papppaaaaaa change it..." No one was listening this. After waiting for some time, the kid went near the TV and switched it OFF in an important scene.. the 4 were yelling at the kid.. the mother swithced on the TV again. Again the kid swithced OFF the TV, this time the kid's father threw the remote control on the kid. Now he is gasping and yelling at the kid, "why did you do thattttt..grrr". Though it wasn't hurting the kid physically, that becomes a reason for the kid to cry loudly. Other 3 were looking at the father of the kid. He looked ugly now, while trying to switch on the TV.

What made the father to act baleful on such a lovalbe and innocent kid? The straight answer is "Intolerance". Not only the kid got hurt here, the grandparents (who are kids by now because of their "second childness") , his wife and finally kid's father himself. By acting so, he missed the movie he wanted to watch, he made the entire environment filled with sorrow, and he is slowly moving towards getting a title of youngest BP/Diabatic/blah blah blah patient.

what he would have lost by tuning to the kids need and yet watch the movie he wanted to watch. i don't know he could have done it, but defeintely it is not "Mission Impossible".

Father of the kid forget or haven't accepted the fact that "Kids are playful, they normally do this kind of things". He wasn't living in reality or he wasn't remembering the fact at the time of his shameful act.

I end this post with a quote,

When tolernace is not afforded to those so well-deserved, it speaks ill of the one who feels he cannot afford to give it.

As rightly said by Kahlil Gibran, we will learn tolerance from intolerent.

There could be some more reasons also for his baleful act. In my next several posts we will analyse and try to find a way to develope tolerance.

I feel Therefore I am,

Money Well.

One hundred battles no danger

Hi All,

When i came across the quote from Art of the War, i could directly relate it to Emotional Intelligence

"Knowing others and knowing oneself, in onehundred battles no danger. Not knowing the other and knowing oneself, one victory for one loss. Not knowing the other and not knowing oneself, in every battle certain defeat." -Sun Tzu, The Art of War

To me, Emotional Intelligence is knowing oneself, knowing others and mighty doings with these knowings. "Knowing oneself" might sound simple. Greater the effort required to know oneself, if one thinks already he/she know himself/herself, whereas he/she is not. So, the question arises, how do you know whether you are "really" self aware.

People who have this, They

1. Know which emotions they are feeling
2. Know how particular feeling affects their performance
3. Have a guiding awareness of their values & goals
4. Are Aware of their strength & weakness
5. Will learn from experience
6. Are open to candid feedback, new perspectives & dev
7. Are able to show a self-deprecating sense of humor
8. Can voice views that are unpopular
9. Are Decisive, able to make sound decisions, Despite uncertainties and pressures.

(The above points are extracted from Working with Emotional Intelligence, Thanks to Dr. Daniel goleman )

based on this if we found out, we are not self-aware. How to develop self-awareness ?

Ans: a simple exercise would be to practise meditation for some time. In that try to watch the thoughts and follow the feeling. Don't get influenced or influence it. Become a witness. By practice it would be possible. Once it is achieved we slowly tend to explore ourselves all the time.

Get back to you with more on EI

regards,

MoneyWell

I Feel Therefore I am